How to win friends and influence people…

… at a wedding.

  • Tell everyone who comments on your feather fascinator your technique for getting a bird of the right colour to fly into your hair specially.  Feel guilty when someone actually believes you, but not enough to tell them you were making it up.


  • Comment on how great it is they have colour co-ordinated the bridesmaids to the wallpaper.


  • Spend more time photographing the sheep in a neighbouring field than the bride and groom.
What no wedding finery?


  • Turn up with hand knit baby socks to accompany the wedding gift…. Only to start to worry if they are inappropriate half way through the service – and AFTER having given them to the best man to add to the present pile.


  • Tell all of your husband’s work colleagues that you really want an Angora rabbit or an Alpaca to keep in your back garden and that you don’t understand why he won’t let you have one.  Discuss house rabbits at length.


  • Steal all of the best sweets out of the favours on the table before anyone notices – only realising later you might have got away with it if it wasn’t for the chocolate smeared down one side of your mouth.


  • Mention that you are going to have fondue night on Saturday despite the fact you don’t own a fondue set… only to adopt one from another guest that has one in the boot of their car for no discernible reason.


  • Talk to a volunteer special policewoman, only to feel inexplicably guilty about the afore mentioned stolen sweets.


  • Kiss the groom who you don’t know that well on the way out then panic it was inappropriate.


  • Leave early to drive to Bristol for a stupid early appointment – plenty of time to contemplate how you managed all of the above without even having a drink.



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